feefeeri:

so i bumped into this kid i used to go to school with 3 years below me down at the train station today and i somehow managed to make him buy me a watermelon from the grocery store

but then i took it one step further and convinced him that we needed party hats
for both us and the watermelon

i’ve barely even spoken to this kid before in my life and he did exactly what i said without hesitation

Sex is so weird like hey I love you let me stick my hard extra limb into your tiny hole and then slam it into you repeatedly because I love you

jerrytyson:

IT’S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL YOU REALIZE THE RELATIONSHIP OF TWO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS OWNS YOUR SOUL AND YOU CAN’T GET YOUR LIFE BACK AND NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE

nevvzealand:

i dont understand how i can get so much joy from covering my pets with blankets and watching the lump move around